Help! My Child Won't Stop Interrupting Conversations!
It's normal for young kids to blurt things out sometimes, but parents can help make it easier to hold that thought.
Remember “BBC Dad”? The guy who was giving an interview with the BBC about South Korea when his 4-year-old toddled through the door behind him on camera, followed shortly by his adorable baby in a bouncer? His family briefly became internet celebrities in the pre-pandemic era, back when having kids show up in your Zoom background was still a novel event.
Not all of us are fortunate enough to achieve viral fame when our children interrupt a work call. I It can be tough to cope when your child won’t stop interrupting conversations, whether they’re in person or over a screen or phone. In this post I’ll be unpacking a few reasons why kids may struggle with interrupting, and what parents can do to help.
Why Does My Child Interrupt?
It’s normal, common, and even developmentally appropriate for young kids to interrupt conversations sometimes. From roughly age 2 to age 7, children are naturally egocentric, meaning that it’s hard for them to think about other people’s points of view, or to separate their thoughts and feelings from other people’s. Kids this age tend to assume that everyone is thinking and feeling the same way that they are. This can make it hard for young children to realize that other people have important thoughts to share, too, and may not be ready to hear what a child has to say.
Here are a few other factors that can contribute to frequent interrupting behavior in kids:
Difficulty with impulse control
Boredom
Trouble with social skills, such as recognizing natural give-and-take in conversations
Desire for attention from a parent or other adult
Stalling to avoid an unwanted activity
Is It Harder to Avoid Interruptions Online?
I accidentally interrupt people on Zoom calls all the time. The few seconds of lag time between when someone speaks and when you hear their voice makes it easy to assume someone is done talking when they really aren’t. It’s pretty easy for adults to navigate this with minimal awkwardness, but for kids, it might be much harder to do.
In addition to the slight sound delay, there are fewer opportunities to pick up on nonverbal communication in video calls, especially if there are many participants. We can’t really read body language when we’re only seeing people from the shoulders up, and people’s faces are pretty tiny when the whole class is on the call together! This could make it even harder for kids to know when it’s a good time to talk.
While Zoom calls are a big relief for many children with social anxiety, for others, it can be overstimulating. Kids who are feeling a little uneasy about being on camera or who worry they may be overlooked by their teacher due to the large number of kids on the call will be much more likely to interrupt.
Give Visual and Physical Cues To Let Your Child Know You’ve Heard Them
Kids who interrupt are trying to connect with people around them, which is awesome! They may just need a gentle acknowledgement that we’ve seen their request to speak and haven’t forgotten about them. A hand gesture can let your child know you’ve seen them and will be with them shortly, without you having to break the flow of your current conversation.
Visual cues can work really well for online platforms like Zoom, too. Children can use the “raise hand” feature and receive a quick acknowledgement that you’ve seen them, or can drop their message into the chat where they know it will be addressed when there’s time.
Ariadne Brill from Positive Parenting Connection describes how she used to gently hold her child’s hand when he interrupted her on the phone, to let him know that they were still connected and he’d have her attention soon. For older kids, try holding up 2 or 5 fingers to let them know how many minutes you need, or coming up with a funny secret code together that you can use to gently make them aware of their interrupting when it happens, without shaming.
Boost 1-on-1 Time Together
When kids are craving attention, they’re more likely to rely on difficult behaviors like interrupting to try to get their needs met. If your child has been going through a particularly stressful time, she may need a little more attention than normal to feel secure. Similarly, kids who have had to share a parent’s attention with a sibling may be feeling a little lacking in individual support.
Setting aside a few minutes a day of individual, focused playtime with your child can help them get their need for attention met in a more positive way. Kids who get this 1-on-1 time often feel more secure in their connection with their parent, which can make it easier to listen and tolerate not being the center of attention. This can help cut down on interrupting in the long run.
Practice Social Skills at Home to Interrupt Politely
Some kids may just need the right language to interrupt politely. You can teach your child to say “excuse me” or “may I please interrupt” when they have something important to say, and praise them when you hear these words. For other children, practicing placing a hand on their parent’s shoulder can be a useful replacement for interrupting. It’s also helpful for kids to learn the times when it is good to interrupt, such as in an emergency or when someone has been injured.
The picture book “My Mouth Is a Volcano!” is a children’s therapy go-to for young kids who are struggling with interrupting. The story, told from the point of view of an elementary school-aged boy, can be validating for kids who interrupt. It highlights the positive intentions that sometimes motivate kids to interrupt: for example, being really eager to share information that feels important with your friends and family. At the end of the story, children learn a simple coping skill to help them self-soothe and hold on to important thoughts until there’s an appropriate time to share them.
Model the Behavior You’d Like to See
Kids learn how they should behave from the adults in their lives, so any time a child is struggling with a behavioral issue, it really helps them to see the grownups around them practicing what they preach. Do you come from an outspoken family where people tend to talk over each other? Have you been a little lax in your own manners when you need to interrupt your child in conversation? I know this is something I could be more mindful of in therapy sessions, myself!
Nobody is perfect, but really demonstrating the behaviors you’d like to see more of can help your child pick up on them, too. Make a point of saying “excuse me” or apologizing to your child for interrupting when it’s really necessary to do so. When you notice your child using good manners, heap on the praise! Children tend to repeat the behaviors that we pay a lot of positive attention to, so showing your enthusiasm for their newfound manners is a good way to encourage a repeat performance.
More Ways to Help a Child Who Constantly Interrupts
I have a few other resources that might be of interest if you’re struggling with a tiny interrupter. If your child is having a hard time picking up on social cues and collaborating with others, counseling can help. In particular, play-based group therapy can be a fun, low-pressure way to practice teamwork, nonverbal communication, and the other “soft skills” that help children communicate effectively and make friends.
In particular, I’ve found that the game Dungeons & Dragons has a ton of surprising benefits for kids needing opportunities for social skills practice. It’s been such a successful (and fun!) way for kids to make friends and naturally learn new skills that I’ve started running therapy groups as a part of my counseling practice in Davidson, NC. For children living outside of the Charlotte area, I also run inclusive recreational groups with a social skills focus through my second company, Young Dragonslayers.
Interrupting can be frustrating, but it’s also a skill-building opportunity. With the right guidance, kids really can learn to connect and communicate more effectively…at least most of the time.
